If you’ve ever asked a single person, “ Why are you single?“, I hope your clothes get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood and someone eats the food you were saving for later. If you are single, there is a 100% chance that you’ve been asked this question once or twice. The next time someone opens their mouth to ask why you are single, here are 10 perfect responses.
1. “When people look into the mirror they don’t see my waist.”
If you don’t want stupid answers, don’t ask silly questions, period.
2. “I don’t have money.”
Being in a relationship is expensive, abeg. You will save for date night, save for birthdays, save for anniversaries, save for valentine. God said increase and multiply, not save until you die on top someone that will run you street.
3. “Your daddy refused to date me.”
If you truly want the person being questioned to stop being single, give them your daddy’s number. Since you like being in people’s business.
4. “I don’t have low standards.”
If anyone asks you, “Why are you single” and you say this, they will respect their old age and mind their business. Must everybody date people that’ll embarrass them every day on Twitter?
5. “Why are you obsessed with me?”
E reach to ask. Do you want to date me? Why do you care about my being single? What do you have against my peace of mind?
6. “I don’t like sharing my food.”
Not everyone wants to share their food for the rest of their life, some of us want to buy the cake, eat it alone and have it. Think of this next time before you ask someone “ Why are you single?”
7. “We don’t date in my village.”
What if I am the principalities and powers your mothers pray against? What if I’d steal your destiny if we date, are people not afraid anymore?
8. “My kinks scare people.”
It’s always “Why are you single?” and never “ I want to tie you up and hold a knife close to your neck”. If you didn’t want to know that, you wouldn’t have asked a stupid question.
9. “I eat Semo.”
“Why are you single?” It’s because I eat semo. I am a cultist, the dating pool for people like me is tough okay.
10. “I don’t have lower body strength.”
All of you doing relationship things are energetic as fuck. Every day, a new sex position gets released unprovoked and you all want to kill someone’s child in the name of practising it, Abeg dear, just allow me to be single in peace and stop asking rubbish.